I asked a married man why he cheats on his wife of 27 years and he said it is because he sees her like his sister. He did not say much but the expressions he used while talking to me were very sad and he looked very unhappy in his marriage. He said he does not believe in divorce so he will continue to stay with her but cheat.
I feel sorry for him because he has fallen out of love with wife and is unhappy but his reason for cheating is not valid. There are no valid reasons to cheat. If you are unhappy leave. Sneaking around to have affairs while committed to someone is exhausting and you end up hurting your partner unless that partner does not care what you do.
What he told me got me thinking about my marriage in future.
After 10 years of marriage will I still love my husband?
Will my marriage be stale after 20 years?
Will I cheat whether I am happy or unhappy in my marriage?
Honestly I do not know what I will do, I might cheat or not, but I do know if I ever become unhappy, I will ask for a divorce than torture myself to endure an unhappy marriage. The worst part is when my children get affected because I wanted to stay.
There are too many unhappy couples who cannot leave their marriages or relationships because of so many reasons. It is easier for those who are not in the same situation to tell them to get out but it is never that easy.
I know how it feels like to be terrified to tell the person you were once in love with or loved that you have fallen out of love with him/her or that you have fallen in love someone else. You just do not want to see him/her in pain so you say nothing and endure whatever pain you are going through. Sometimes the history you share with this person is so much, you feel like you are going to destroy them if you divorce or breakup with him/her.
I feel sorry for anyone going through an unhappy marriage, relationship or friendship but cannot leave due to whatever reasons they have. I can only hope that one day they have the courage to leave. I feel more sorry for myself because I am going through a similar situation with some friends.
Friendships become stale too or uncomfortable for you to stay in but you are just too scared to leave because that friend used to be a good one and you are scared ending the friendship will cause pain to this friend. If you get a new best friend while the old best friend is still your life, it can be very difficult to tell the old one best friend that you found a new one best friend.
Sometimes it is not about what makes you happy, it is about what causes those around you less pain. Unless those around you do not matter then do whatever makes you happy but if they matter then do what causes everyone less pain. Unfortunately you have to compromise your happiness.
Your friend reminds me of a friend of mine who was a good Catholic woman with a husband and children. She believed divorce was morally wrong, so she stayed with her husband even though he was a raging alcoholic. One night he got so drunk that he passed on some train tracks. She was disappointed when she learned that his friends rescued him before he was run over. According to her moral code, it would be better for him to die than for them to divorce.
Unfortunately, in a marriage with problems there are often no black and white answers.
This is very unfortunate but people do believe doing other things like cheating or murder is not as bad as a divorce which is not true.
I hope she is free now.
I can’t. It’s sad. People should just let go rather than hold when