I AM A COWARD!

I am a coward!
I hate to admit it to myself, but it is the truth. Lacking the courage to do something that is right or running away from something you can deal with because you are scared is being a coward. I have been running away from so many things for a long time.

I want to be brave. I want to tell people how I feel about them without being scared of the consequences. Look into the faces of the people I love and express my feelings for them. I want to tell them every day that I love them and that I am lucky to have them in my life.

I have the lowest tendency to deal with problems or show emotions. Most of the time I just pretend they never happened. I thought this was the best way to deal with my problems and emotions until I realised recently that I am a coward who has been running away from so many things my whole life. Just because I will not admit to something does not mean it never happened.

Problems are meant to be solved. Running away or pretending they never happened does not solve them. Deal with them.

Emotions are meant to be expressed. I thought withholding them was the best way to avoid showing weakness. Showing emotions is bravery. It means you can express yourself regardless of the consequences. Weakness is when you pretend you have no emotions because you are scared of the consequences.

I thought people who showed emotions were weak and needed to learn to show fewer emotions, but these people are actually the strongest and bravest. They can say what they feel, cry when they are sad and laugh when they are happy.

People who hardly showed emotions, I thought were strong and brave. You can never tell if they are happy or sad because they never showed any signs of emotions. I thought it was the best way to protect yourself from emotional pain because you will never get committed to anyone who will hurt you.

Expressing yourself frees you. You have nothing hidden within you occupying space. Cry, laugh, shout, whisper and jump for joy if you have to because they show how you feel.

I am learning to overcome my philophobia. There are some important relationships in my life I want to keep and I need to overcome my fears before I can commit myself to anyone.

Sometimes expressing yourself is a risk. You do not know the reaction you are going to get but you do it anyway. I want to take this risk. Become brave once in my life.

Bisous!