KITCHEN TABLE TALK: BOUNDARIES

I have spoken with several friends and all of them said that boundaries are vital in every relationships. They set boundaries in all their relations.

Boundaries are important. They are there for good reasons. If we do not put boundaries in our relationships then there will be no differentiating between the relationships in our lives. Boundaries prevents families from intermarrying or having sex, adults from raping children, married couples from engaging in sex with others, friends from exploiting us, etc.

Boundaries help to define us as individuals, they let people know what you love, hate and how you want you to be treated. Boundaries helps us know our place in other people’s lives. Do no provoke someone and when the person retaliates you retreat. Right from the beginning make your intentions clear.

We cannot be friends if we cannot have boundaries. If you are my friend I will treat you as such, which means no sexual intimacy. If we are dating or married I will try to be faithful to you, I will not date nor marry other people while we are still together.

An ex-partner should remain an ex-partner. The current partner should remain the current partner. They have to know their places in your life. Best friends have more privileges than friends. Family comes first for most people than anyone else.

It does not matter how close I am to you, the moment you start dating, we will hangout less. I do not want your romantic partner to assume that we have any sexual relationship because we hangout too often. I do not  call nor visit my friends romantic partners unless it important or urgent. The moment you start dating or get married, your romantic partner is your priority, our friendship is important but not as important as your romantic relationship.

It is very important to set boundaries as a woman. We meet so many men who would want to have romantic relationships  with us. It is very important that we let them know we are not interested if we are not. Do not lead a man on for a long time and let him assume he can date or marry you when you are genuinely not interested in him. If he buys you a drink, it does not mean he is entitled to sex unless you are offering it.

Respect boundaries, no matter how hard they are. If your friends does not want you to kiss them on the lips, do not do it. Treat all your friends with respect and do not initiate sexual acts against their will.

Make yourself a priority. Set boundaries. Always make your intentions clear.

.