I should be happy because there a lot of people, drinks, food, laughter, smiling and fun but I feel lonely. I tried really hard to fit in and laugh with them but I still felt lonely. I stopped trying and went to sleep.
They are not the kind of people I feel connected to. There is no chemistry between us and this makes it really hard for me to keep a conversation going with on any of them.
I miss my friends. The people who really get me and tolerate me no matter what. The people I can call in the middle of the night and they will come even when it is very inconvenient. The people who really got my back in every situation.
I miss them so much right now. I miss their laughter, their smiles, their smell and their warm hugs. There is never a dull moment around them. We create our own entertainment wherever we go, even in the most unpleasant situations we will try really hard to be happy and create our own entertainment.
This experience has taught me just how important having chemistry with people is. If there is no chemistry, there is no relationship. You cannot forge a genuine relationship if there is no chemistry between two people.
Faking a relationship with someone is one of the most exhausting and painful thing to do. You have to pretend about everything you do with this person. There is no joy in anything you do with this person. You end up torturing yourself.
I will not put myself through this torture again. I will not go where I do not fit in. I will always surround myself with people I feel connected to. I want to be part of a crowd that I will fit in.
Adios!